Published: February 1, 2025
Hello, eldest daughters.
It’s been nearly two years since I last posted here.
Not “a brief pause.” Nearly two full years of silence in a space I created because I believed and still believe that Black eldest daughters and women of color carrying family weight need a place to be seen.
I could apologize. I could offer a multi-paragraph explanation with footnotes, timelines, and a slide deck. But here’s what I learned during that long quiet:
The reflex to over-explain, justify my absence, and make sure no one is disappointed in me? That’s the eldest daughter training talking.
And if this space is going to be about unlearning those patterns, I can’t keep modeling them.
So instead of apologies, I’m offering clarity about what happened, what changed, and how we’re gathering now.
So… What Had Happened Was…
I burned out.
Not the “take a bubble bath and you’ll be fine” kind of burnout. The kind where your body quietly stages a coup because your mind keeps saying, “Just push through one more thing.”
The kind where you realize you’ve built something meaningful and beautiful… and also deeply unsustainable.
In early 2024, life got heavier. Family responsibilities escalated in ways I hadn’t anticipated.
The world felt harder politically, socially, emotionally. Hell, it still is.
And somewhere in trying to hold everything together, I lost my balance.
I was already doing a lot: building this blog, managing work, a relationship, family.
And then more got added to my plate the kind of responsibilities eldest daughters know well, the ones that aren’t optional when family is in crisis.
I was doing what eldest daughters do holding everything, managing everyone, making it work.
Until I couldn’t.
The blog slowly became another “should.” Another place where my worth felt tied to productivity. And the irony was not lost on me that I was burning out while creating content about eldest daughter burnout.
So I stopped.
Not gracefully. Not strategically. No farewell tour. No “see you soon” post.
I just… stopped.
WHAT I LEARNED IN THE SILENCE
Turns Out You Can’t Build Anything on Burnout
For a long time, I told myself I’d return “when things calmed down.”
But things don’t calm down for eldest daughters. There is always another situation, another responsibility, another person who needs help right now.
Waiting for capacity to magically appear is how meaningful things quietly disappear.
Lesson learned. (Finally.)
I Didn’t Have the Boundaries for This Yet
I started this blog from a place of wanting connection, writing again, and some fun.
What I didn’t have were boundaries around keeping it that way keeping it light, keeping it sustainable, keeping it separate from the weight I already carry. Shout out to my therapist she works so hard y’all!
These are skills I’ve spent the last two years practicing in therapy, in work, and in my own life.
(Highly recommend. Would re-enroll. Five stars)
What I Model Matters More Than How Much I Post
We don’t need another burnt-out Black woman telling us to rest while she runs herself into the ground.
We don’t need spaces that talk about healing while operating on exhaustion and emotional extraction.
If this blog is going to mean anything, it has to practice what it teaches even when that’s inconvenient. (Especially when it’s inconvenient, honestly.)
So Here’s What’s Different This Time
This return looks different because I’m different. Here’s what’s changing:
About Posting (No Schedules, No Guilt)
I’m not committing to weekly posts. I’m committing to sustainable ones. One a month at minimum.
Some months might have four pieces of content. Some might have one. Some months might have me staring at a blank screen wondering if I have anything useful to say. (The answer is sometimes “not yet,” and that’s fine.)
What matters is that each post is:
Grounded in wellness and lived experience
Culturally responsive to BIPOC eldest daughter realities
Created from overflow, not obligation
The rhythm will be irregular and that’s okay. You can still engage on your own terms.
What I’m Actually Focusing On Now
Instead of trying to cover everything (spoiler: impossible), I’m focusing on what I do best: wellness and writing.
About Community
I love hearing your stories. They matter. They remind me this work is needed.
But let’s be clear: this is a gathering space, not a help desk.
Comments are open engage as you wish
I won’t respond to everything (and that’s okay)
This space is for connection, not crisis intervention
This is book club energy, not crisis-response energy. We’re here to share, reflect, and recognize not fix each other.
Because Websites Don’t Run on Love Alone
Eldest daughters are taught to give endlessly, prove worth through service, and never ask for reciprocity. But fun projects don’t always get to be prioritized!
(See also: two years of silence.)
So yes, there will be paid products coming soon:
Digital guides and workbooks
Stickers for eldest daughters (because we deserve cute things that validate our experience)
More
The blog will always include free content. But if this work is going to continue, it has to be resourced.
Turns out websites don’t run on vibes alone. Who knew?
What Hasn’t Changed
Some things haven’t changed at all:
The need for this space is unchanged. Black eldest daughters are still parenting parents, managing crises, sacrificing dreams, and carrying intergenerational trauma while being told to “be strong.”
The power of our stories is unchanged. There is relief in recognition. Freedom in not feeling alone. Strength in shared understanding.
My commitment to BIPOC sisterhood is unchanged. Our experiences are specific. Our burdens are compounded. We deserve spaces that don’t flatten or erase us.
The belief in our healing is unchanged. We were not born to carry everything forever.
AN INVITATION, NOT AN APOLOGY
I’m not sorry I left, a bit sad sure. I’m grateful I did.
That time away taught me how to build this differently how to show up without pouring from an empty cup, and how to model the sustainability I teach.
So here’s the invitation:
Come back if this resonates. Subscribe if you want updates. Engage if you have capacity. Share if it helps someone you love.
And also take what serves you and leave the rest. Come and go as your life requires. Choose your own sustainability.
Because that’s the real work for eldest daughters: learning we can care deeply without sacrificing ourselves.
I’m learning it too. We’re learning it together.
Welcome back.
Until the next gathering,
rest when you can. Take up space. Exhale fully.
— Gathering Eldest Daughters
How to stay connected:
Bookmark this site
Follow on platforms you actually use
Join the email list (I promise not to flood your inbox that would defeat the whole sustainability thing)